you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
