By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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