There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
