Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
