Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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