I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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