Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
