Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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