the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i came on her dog
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
