i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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