How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Randomize
