so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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