$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
