Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need to calm my uterus...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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