Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
