Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
jump out the window naked night went bad
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