This girl is more easily done than said...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
