WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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