69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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