my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
