Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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