I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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