My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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