Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
