she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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