maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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