I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize