wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I want is dick and wine.
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