Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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