I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
