she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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