Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
