All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
