She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we made out on top of his cat.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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