we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
