Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
