I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize