we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
