You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
