I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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