Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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