Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
