the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
