his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
