Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sobbing to NWA
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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