Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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