I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
