Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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