HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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