She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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