Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
