1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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