Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
