i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
