I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
