You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
