Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He felt like a one man threesome
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So apparently I’m into choking now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
