Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
