absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
