We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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